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[Big Nacho reading]
[sighing] Aye, Carmela.
These Cake Island guys
make love look so easy.
Guess it must be easy
when you're swole.
[sighs] I'll never
look like that.
Even worse, I've lied
about myself to suit Carmela.
And now she wants to meet?
[in deep voice]
Carmela, it is I, Ignacio.
Ohh, I'm such a phony!
What was I thinking?
I'll always just be
gassy old Big Nacho,
not the man she deserves.
[singing in Spanish]
♪ Like a Cake Island guy ♪
[continues singing in Spanish]
♪ My pen pal de la escuela ♪
[kisses]
♪ But now she's
Oh, so much mas ♪
♪ I'm not man enough ♪
♪ No, I'm boyish and shy ♪
♪ Not a swaggy tough guy ♪
♪ Mi amor will see
through Ignacio ♪
-[farts]
-Aye! No.
♪ I've no style ♪
♪ No finesse ♪
♪ I'm tongue tied
I'm a mess ♪
♪ Ways to not end up so low ♪
♪ Big Nacho, adios ♪
[crying]
[chuckles mischievously]
Tater! How much did you hear?
I heard it all!
You write to your Carmela
as Ignacio.
And now, she wants to meet IRL
but you're afraid you won't
live up to what you wrote.
Yup. You pretty much
heard everything.
I know! [laughs]
It has all the makings
of a classic romance.
Love, deception,
-and the postal service.
-[laughs sarcastically]
No offense, Small fry,
but what do you know
about romance?
I've read enough Romancimorphs
to know that the key
to true love is...
being yourself.
Be myself?
Poot-sis and all?
Well, no. Gusty pants
equals no romance.
But you have tons of other
great qualities to show off.
[gasps] And I could help.
In fact, maybe this
could be my final form.
Tater matchmaking mastermind!
I'll plan the perfect date.
Carmela will be so impressed
she'll forget all about
that Ignacio guy
from your letters.
Uh? Mmm-hmm?
What will it cost me?
-You can thank me
in the wedding speech.
-[chuckles]
Wow, carnalito!
Your muscles are looking
extra incredible today.
And you smell
like a powerful tree.
Gracias, carnalito,
I think.
Ready, Big Nach?
Today we'll be highlighting
four of your best qualities,
starting with...
-Your incredible strength.
-Correct.
And then your incredible
kindness and then singing,
and then, first aid skills.
I have first aid skills?
You will after today.
Oh, what if I mess
something up?
I thought I was just
supposed to be myself.
Okay. I might have
gotten fancy with
the first aid skills.
But you're gonna be great.
All you gotta do
is stick to my schedule.
Just take a deep breath
and relax, hermanote.
[inhales]
[exhales]
[farts] Ah!
Uh... Relaxation
equals poots.
All right.
Big Nacho is in position.
-Carmela should be arriving
in three, two, one.
-[exhales, sniffs]
Uh... Hi, Carmela.
Hi, Ignacio.
You look
just like your picture.
Oh, um... Actually...
[clears throat]
you can call me Big Nacho.
Everyone else does.
Oh, cool. I love nachos.
[stuttering] I mean, like...
As friends or maybe
something more?
-[chuckles nervously]
-[laughs sheepishly]
Good.
Initial contact established.
Main issue resolved.
On to the next item
of business,
Big Nacho's big strength.
[both chuckle]
[both straining]
[clanging]
Quick! Someone hunky
stop that runaway statue!
[straining]
Stage one, complete.
[panting]
Dang! Nice one. Wait,
are you into
weight-lifting too?
Wait. You lift?
Only the heavy stuff.
What do you bench?
[chuckles softly]
Okay. Let's keep it moving.
Time to show off
Big Nacho's big kindness.
-[bell dinging]
-Ah! And there's
our special guest.
[creaking]
Hector is right on schedule.
All right, Nachito.
You're on.
[speaking Spanish]
How I wish
I could buy a paleta.
But I spent all my money
at the hospital store.
[crying]
Aw! That poor little kid.
[softly] Big Nacho,
that's your cue.
[cawing]
Oh, right. The plan.
I will buy you a paleta,
complete stranger.
Aw! How generous.
A free paleta?
Gracias, Hector.
Gah! Curse
Hector's generosity.
At least I have a backup plan.
-[Tater cawing]
-Oh, right. Backup plan.
[chuckles softly] Uh, Carmela.
Can I buy you a paleta?
No, thank you. They make
my braces all tingly.
She's not supposed
to say that.
-That's not
in the backup plan.
-Oh, yeah.
I forgot it was like that
when I had braces too.
Oh. A fellow brace-face, huh?
Ever get anything
grody stuck in them?
You don't even know. One time,
I was eating an elote and...
What is he doing?
I gotta get this train
back on track.
Ooh! It's already time
for the train part?
Chugga-chugga-chito!
Uh-huh. Not yet.
First, we're gonna make
this canary sing
with a little help from
a little baby. [laughs]
[baby crying]
Seriously, it smelt so bad
I could almost taste it.
Please help, oh,
magnanimous stranger.
My baby brother
won't stop crying.
I would sing him
a lullaby to calm him,
but alas... [in raspy voice]
I have laryngitis.
No problem, Small fry--
I mean, small ma'am.
[clears throat]
[vocalizing]
Uh, wait a minute.
Before you burst into song,
maybe we should help
find these kids' parents
instead.
Oh, yeah. That makes
a lot more sense.
What? No, it doesn't.
Sing, my angel of music.
Uh... I'm gonna go find
an information desk.
Uh, wait.
Forget the singing.
I got it from here, prima.
"Prima?" This girl's
your cousin?
This girl speaks Spanish?
Well, anyway. Sing to me!
[splash]
-[baby crying]
-[crackling]
Gah! [sighs] My baby.
[groans softly]
What's going on here?
I can explain.
This is my
little cousin, Tater.
And that's Nachito,
my brother.
Hi, hermanote.
I'm sorry. They just wanted
to tag along.
"Tag along"?
Oh-ho. It's really nice
of you to let them.
But, um, I was hoping today
could just be, you know, us.
[both sigh]
Well, sorry, sweetie.
But this date doesn't
happen without me.
Oh, yes, it does.
Why don't you go play
with Nachito, Small fry.
That's "Small ma'am" to you!
So did I just hear her
call this a date?
Well, it is, isn't it?
[both sigh, chuckle]
So we're just "little cousins"
tagging along
when we're bustin'
our butts
to make sure
Nachomela happens!
-But...
-But he thinks
he knows better.
-Exactly. The ingratitude.
-But...
But you're right.
We can't abandon him
even if he abandons us.
-We stick to the plan.
-But...
But nothing!
It's train time.
Ooh! Chugga-chugga-chito!
-[blows whistle]
-[screaming] All aboard!
So you flip
the track switch while
I distract the conductor.
-[laughs mischievously]
-[horn blaring]
Then, we'll put this train
into overdrive! [laughs]
And send her straight for
the fancy Kupcaques store.
[laughs]
-[people screaming]
-[horn blaring]
[crashes]
[Tater] The horrendous crash
causes dozens of boo-boos
and ouchies!
Who will save us?
Ooh! Big Nacho, is there
anything you can't do?
[vocalizing "Here Comes
the Bride"]
Okay, Nachito.
It's showtime.
No! I won't do it.
But it's the plan.
Big Nacho doesn't need
to make Carmela like him.
I think she already does.
I think my 500-plus hours
of reading Romancimorphs
says otherwise.
This isn't Romancimorphs.
It's our beloved Big Nacho.
[speaking Spanish]
Well, that's not gonna stop me
'cause I didn't understand it.
[train chugging, crashing]
Who needs Nachito?
I can flip
the track switch myself.
[laughs] They'll thank me
later! Whoo-hoo!
See? They're married!
I'm a matchmaking mastermind!
I know Tater
couldn't be here tonight
because of her duties
as Madam President
of the Universe.
But Carmela and I want
to thank her most of all.
'Cause Tater taught me
the key to true love...
[echoing] was being
my true self.
[Tater] What am I doing?
I gotta stop this thing!
-[creaking]
-[straining]
[groans]
[panting]
[both] Hmm? Hmm.
-There you are!
-Shh! Don't let them see you!
I'm glad you're letting
Big Nacho be himself.
Yeah!
You were right, Nachito.
Look how happy he is!
Aw! I don't think
I've ever seen him so relaxed.
[stomach rumbling]
[together] Relaxation
equals poots!
[farts]
-What do we do?
-Panic!
[Tater] Everyone,
evacuate the area.
There's been
a natural gas leak.
No one has dealt it
even if you smelt it!
[laughs]
Is that the best you can do?
[grunts, farts]
[both laughing, farting]
They're made for
each other! [laughs]
Today,
I learned that sometimes
you gotta let love
blossom on its...
[groans]
[both laughing, farting]