| — This is a transcribed copy of Summer of Local Girl. — |
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[Tater reading]
[♪ news theme playing]
Breaking news! History is being made in Hacienda Hills this very moment.
Over to you, Gary.
Thank you, Mary. Our very own Archie the Armadillo
is attempting to roll himself into a ball.
[Archie grunting]
Amazing, Gary.
Now, as everyone knows,
Californian armadillos can't actually do that.
But this little guy's gonna make Hacienda Hills history by being the first!
[groaning]
[panting]
- [crowd] Aw. - [Buela] Pobrecito.
Well, he's still a local legend, though, isn't he, folks?
[all cheering] Archie! Archie!
Archie! Archie!
- Him. Really? - Archie! Archie!
Uh, am I hearing some Archie the Armadillo disrespect?
What's that about, Gary?
Let's find out, Mary.
Who are you and what's your deal, strange girl?
You know me, I've been on the news. Show him, Buela.
That's me. I'm "Local Girl."
Soon to be Birthday Girl. [snickers]
Okay, doesn't ring a bell. Back to you, Mary.
All right, wrap it up. Nothing to see here, folks.
Oh, que malos reporteros!
[scoffs] If those reporters
think this guy is a big deal,
wait till they learn about
all the ways I've made my mark on Hacienda Hills.
[armadillo hisses]
They'll be begging for an exclusive interview
with one Tater Ramirez Humphrey.
Meh! Never heard of him.
Who do you think you are?
Don't worry, Buela. I'll show them.
And in honor of my big 1-0 tomorrow,
I'll do it the only way these reporters understand.
A birthday documentary about my decade of life!
Lucky for me, there are plenty of old tapes for me to record over.
You may now kiss the bride.
Eh, they won't miss that.
[documentarist voice] Welcome to TheTaterzone.
A documentary about the life of Hacienda's soon-to-be most famous daughter...
[in normal voice] Me!
[documentarist voice] We begin with the day Hacienda gifted her
with her truest passion, Romancimorphs!
And now, a dramatic reenactment.
Tatey, what am I doing?
You're portraying a younger me on the day I found my first Romancimorphs book.
Right here, amongst the trash.
Why would someone throw it away? Did they think it was trash?
I... uh... Just read the script!
I did. And I have notes about my character.
Cut!
Okay, ChaCha, now, just go find the book.
- [muffled growls] - [Tater] Yes, ChaCha! Yes!
- [ChaCha growls and barks] - [screams] ChaCha! Cut! Cut!
[Tater whispers] And... Action, Scooter.
Ah, yes. Only in Hacienda could the trash yield such treasure.
Let my lifelong love of literature begin!
[sniffles] That's exactly how it happened, man.
Cue the Capy.
I am Capybara, hear my mighty bark. [clears throat]
[roars]
No, you were supposed to hug! Cut!
[Bibi] Honey, come quick! Nellie's taking her first steps!
And we're back!
[documentarist voice] To a place where I literally left my mark on Hacienda.
Hacienda Skate.
This skating rink was once a Halloween store...
[normal voice] The Halloween store where I lost my very first tooth!
[documentarist voice] Let's go back to that fateful day.
Okay, Nachito, now gently fall into the pumpkin.
Here comes NatchiTater!
And... cue the tooth.
Oh, I don't know about this, Small Fry.
Whoa, whoa, man!
Uh, wait. Does this script say you were eight
when you lost your first tooth?
People mature at different rates, okay?
I even have one baby tooth left, see?
- Ahhh! - [Tonita] Ew! Gross!
Put the camera back on me!
[clears throat] Oh, what a beautiful day to lose my first tooth--
Wait! Put this wig on first.
No. It's so sweaty.
I cannot risk getting lice again.
- You have to wear it! - I don't have to do anything!
- Just put it on! - No!
I'll be in my trailer.
Cut!
[Bud] Happy trails, Grandpappy. We'll sure miss--
And the birthday doc continues!
[documentarist voice] Life. Birth. Tater!
How did I get here, you ask? Only one way to find out.
Let's go all the way back to the day I arrived to this "Cienda of Ha."
[in normal voice] Not really sure how it happened exactly,
but it probably looked a little something like this.
Okay, Gordita, you're baby me.
Arise and greet the land of your birth!
This is highly inaccurate.
I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
Not. Even. Close.
Ugh, no one is cooperating.
Ugh, what I need is a willing Tater that can't sass me. Hmm...
Ooh!
[giggles]
Hola, Tater. Mwah. And hola to you too, Tater. Mwah.
[laughs] Just kidding, I know my own son.
Beebs, perfect! I'm making a documentary about my life
as a Hacienda icon, and it wouldn't be complete
without the moment I first graced this town with my presence.
- Which was... - Tell me about the day I was born!
But, Tater, you weren't born in Hacienda.
[record scratching]
[blows raspberry and laughs] Good one, Beebs! You got me.
[laughs nervously] Seriously, though.
I am being serious.
Wait, wha!
[Bibi] The day you were born was so hectic, Tater.
You see, Hacienda was out of ice cream,
so we had to cross The Crevasse to find some.
- Ooh! - [tires screech]
We thought we had more time, but you were ready to roll.
[Tater] It's me!
So that was my Hacienda Hills debut.
[Bibi] Actually...
You were born in Fresadena.
- Uh... Uh... Uh... - Tater?
Tater? Tater!
No. It can't be. It can't be!
[sighs] She had to find out sometime, Baby Tater.
I mean, Bud. Baby Bud.
I need answers, Buela! Was I really born in Fresadena?
Only one way to find out.
I keep all the important papers in here.
This is where you keep all the important stuff?
Por supuesto. Hmm. Ah! Aqui!
[gasps]
[Tater reading]
I'm... a Fresadenan?
Tater Ramirez Humphrey? Ha-ha, doesn't ring a bell.
Why would it? She's not even from Hacienda Hills.
[cackling]
No! [sobbing] No!
Mi pequena papita. Que te pasa, mija? You all right?
No, Buela. I'll never be all right again.
I don't know where home is.
Maybe it's Fresadena, or maybe it's nowhere.
But it's not here.
I am Local Girl no more.
I am Nowhere Girl.
[sighs]
Well, I guess I'm home?
Okay, time to give this a shot.
Attention, Fresadena! Your daughter has returned!
- [yelps] - Hey, I'm driving here.
Oh, sorry. [chuckles nervously]
[yelps]
[exclaims and grunts]
Oh, sorry.
[grunts] Sorry.
Why am I apologizing to a bench?
[boy] So what are your birthday plans?
Private jet to your family's island?
Oh, I don't know.
Doesn't really feel special enough for the big 1-0.
Oh, I'm turning 10 tomorrow too!
And we're going to go all out.
Cake, a Slip 'n Slide, maybe even rent a pony.
- [both laugh] - You are hilarious.
A Slip 'n Slide? Is that like skiing for sad people?
So what are you actually doing for your soiree?
- I... Uh... - Oh, we're late for polo practice.
[girl] Air kisses!
[sighs] This isn't home.
But if Hacienda Hills isn't home either, where do I belong?
Go away, Trashbot,. You can't help me.
- Trashbot, go away! - [woman] What did you call me?
Buela! What are you doing here?
Stand up, nina! Have some pride.
How can I be proud? I wasn't even born in Hacienda Hills.
I'm not from here, and I'm not from there.
I don't know where home is.
Pues, yo tampoco soy de aqui ni de alla, girl-ah.
But I still stand proud
because I know where my home is.
- Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo. - [Baby Tater giggles]
I'm glad you're here with me.
I've been feeling really homesick lately.
[sighs] Te extrano Mexico.
[Baby Tater babbles]
Your first steps. Ven mi nina!
[Baby Tater giggles]
Home isn't where you were born, mijita.
It's where your family is. And I'm right here with you.
Gracias, Buela. Let's go home.
[sighs] Que lindo!
Oh! Whoa! [grunts]
[groans]
[gasps] My last baby tooth!
No, keep it there.
Now I've really made my mark on Hacienda Hills.
[laughs] Para tu documentary, loca girl-ah!
[German accent] I knew one day
I would leave my mark on Hacienda, and here it is!
Behold my final baby tooth, Gary and Mary.
What do you think of that?